This has been a good week.  Not a great week in the housekeeping department, but a satisfactory one.  I had my clothes ready for the morning 6 days out of the seven.   I had my dishes done before bed all seven days.  I had my meals planned for all seven days, not all ahead, but before noon I knew what we were going to eat for supper that night.  I did laundry early and folded and put it away before bedtime.  I cleaned the front areas of the house and kept them looking basically tidy.  I am happy with what I accomplished, because if I can do this, it is the main key that keeps me happy.  If I do my job, I am happy.  The main thing I have to contend with is the days where my attitude, says, "why me?" Why do I have to follow my simple routines?  Why can't I just sit here and knit until my arm falls off and the house goes to pieces all around me, and no one has anything to eat?  The main reason is that I am really not happy doing it that way.  I might think so, but it isn't true. I do work outside the home a little bit, but the job I wanted and asked for was to manage my home.  There is no reason I can't do it and do it well.  I have the time.  It takes as much effort and skill to manage a home with young people in it, that it does to work anywhere else.  You just don't get paid money for it. You have to find compensation in other ways.  Mostly it has to be inside, and when you children are gone, hopefully they will remember.

So, we will see how next week goes.  I did some things I enjoy this week, too.  But, I am happy with the way this week went.  Next week, I have company again, and I usually get derailed in about anything when that happens, I haven't got the work/play/attitude ratio figured out for this one yet.

I'll keep you posted.

The Days of Our Lives

It is raining today.  I'm trying not to feel blah just because it is raining.  I AM feeling absolutely overwhelmed however. Here it is almost the middle of October and I don't see any signs of the days slowing down.  I'm feeling like I can't enjoy any piece of my life, it is going too fast.  I've been trying to evaluate my life lately and I don't think I'm as happy as I could be. Sometimes it seems like I'm just filling up my time and not getting anything done because I just want this day to be over, or this week, or for it to be Monday again so I can start again.  I don't really enjoy when family comes because I am trying to keep things together.  This time I planned menus ahead, made them simple, delegated chores.  But still things pile up here and there because little things don't get put away.  I tried hard to ignore it and say it doesn't matter. I guess I am thinking ahead to all the things that need done next week, birthday party, office work, courthouse, laundry, mealtime, picking up after myself and sometimes the other people around here, too.

That doesn't sound too bad, really.  But, somehow that stuff always adds itself up and spreads itself out to fill more time than I have.  Last week was a hard week.  My daughter had four days of make up work to do and she was working on homework every night from 4 to midnight.  And she likes to have someone around for "moral support".  She's also working on not having a meltdown when she's stressed or yelling and slamming around either.  She did really well.  Only one "outlet" sort of crying jag, that did a lot of good.  I don't know why crying like that should help, but the books all say it does.  I don't seem to be able to cry like that.  I just yell or get anxious.  Anytime I cry, it is over a book, and then I get a stuffy nose and a headache.

So, for next week, the plan is less facebook, less knitting, and more focusing on the task on hand.  I have a hard time with some of this because I get physically and mentally tired out.  I'm getting better though, ever since I did a couple of months with an exercise video, I've had a lot more energy even though I didn't continue.  Exercise is exercise, even if it is just carrying things around the house.

So, I guess this weather IS making me a little blue, but I am going to make a change this week, starting today, when my company leaves, I'm going to sit down and plan a little for tomorrow, get things ready and in order, and I AM NOT GOING TO READ A BOOK UNTIL I AM TOO TIRED TO DO ANYTHING ELSE.
Now, did you hear that Miss LeaAnne?  Stay tuned, and see what happens this week.

Take the Swearing Out of It

I have a very nice bunch of friends that I keep up with on facebook, and a few teenagers, too.  What is annoying me today is the amount of swearing that appears on other people's status's.  Some is borrowed when they publish sites that are of interest and some, mostly in the case of the teens, just blatant anger and laziness.  I know that the English language is one of the hardest to learn, but when you've grown up with it, it shouldn't be too difficult to find other words to replace the swear words.I suppose it is mostly the young people who think they are being clever for using words their parents (most parents) don't like.  The same words that THEIR parent's thought they were being clever for using when they were teens. I know that teens like to be rebellious, but in this day of employers and colleges scoping out facebook pages, it is never a good idea to have incriminating information on those pages.

It is ridiculous, aren't there ANY standards out there anymore!  Since when it is fun and interesting to pepper one's speech with the words your grandmother would wash out of your mouth with soap.  I say grandmother's, because my generation is becoming the grandmother's now, and I see the standards of my generation slipping away, down the toilet. However, bad language becomes a habit, and habits become character.  I had a name for people like this when I was younger, I called it "second class". First class people don't use foul language, they don't run down their neighbors, they do build up their friends.  They just DON'T TALK TRASH, about anybody or anything.  I don't call it anything any more, because I am out of the judging people stage. I do, however, try to stay away from people that spend a lot of time swearing, and doing other things that I don't care to be around for the sake of my own mental health.  It isn't clever, it is ugly and it sure doesn't enhance the impression anyone is trying to make, on facebook or off of it.

I think I need to do a little more editing of my friends list.

Listening is Better Than Talking

It's finally starting to cool down here in the midwest, actually I think according to the media, I'm in the Plains States.   It is funny to me to think that Minnesota to Missouri, and Iowa to Ohio are called mid-WEST states, when they aren't west at all. Then I googled "Great Plains States" and they are the Dakotas, on south and west to the Rockies.   I don't have a quarrel with the term "plains states", because they have a great many flat places.  But to call someting "mid-west" that is east of the middle just doesn't seem right.  It just bugs me.  Okay, okay, I'll get down off my soap box now and behave myself.  I think too many things bug me, or else I just like to sound off to other people and air my knowledge, or just show off.  That made me think of this quote from flylady I found a while back.


When you understand that the need to tell someone about yourself is no more than a need for attention, you can start right away to give yourself attention in the form of compassion, understanding, wisdom, guidance and love and the next time you are in a two-way conversation, you'll really listen. 


Do I need to tell people everything I know on a subject when it is brought up? No
Do I need to add something to every conversation?  No
Do I need to play "one upmanship" at any time in a conversation?  No
Do I need to pay attention to the person who is talking and notice what sort of conversation it is before I say anything?  Yes


I'm afraid I often say things to get attention, to prove to people that I know things, and that I am there next to them.    I also know that people really like to be listened to, and that would be a better place to fill than calling attention to myself.  


(Oops, this is nearly a repeat of an earlier post, oh well, this blog is for my own learning and benefit, and it I need it twice...so be it.)

You Can't Parent From a Chair

I was thinking about my parenting style the other day.  I’m not terribly impressed with my parenting or lack thereof when my kids where little.  I could have done a better job.  I could have yelled less and followed through more. I should have made them do more chores and given in to them less.  I was lazy then and I sometimes want to be lazy now, but I've learned a few things.  One of those things is that you can’t parent from a chair.

I’ve been practicing on my grandchild.  When I have him, I give him fewer snacks so he’ll eat at meal time, like his mom does. I chase him down and put him in time out right away instead of trying to reason with him, like his daddy does.  I could list a whole bunch of things about raising children, but for the toddler sort, the best way to do it is to chase them down to prevent or punish certain behaviors, so they know I mean it, so they know consistency, so they learn obedience earlier.

I don’t know that if I would have been more diligent and less wishy-washy with my kids when they were toddlers, if things would have gone better when they were teenagers.  I just don’t know.  What I do know is I’m not going to undermine my children’s discipline with their own children and I’m going to chase those kids down and make them mind when they need it. It isn’t easy, it isn’t fun, but it is necessary.  Necessary for children to grow up to respect others and themselves, and be able to make the best life for themselves and society. 

Just an Ordinary Day

I’m beginning to wonder how weekly columnists manage to think of things to write about.  I wonder how they do it?  Do they write one every week, or write several at a time so they can take a break.  I would love to write things that could be published.  I’m not sure if I want fame or money.  Earlier in my life I wanted people to notice me, but now I think I would like the money.  I enjoy the columns most that are just about real life and they way people live it. Sharon Randall and Lori Clinch come to mind.  They write about very different things, but they write about their own lives, and that is very interesting.  

I really like to read about the ordinary things of life.  How people clean their houses, what they eat for dinner, what they do to entertain themselves, what their kids do that is good, bad and ugly.  I like to read about the days they manage their time well, and the days they don’t.  I like to know how other people’s lives are different from my own.  Life is funny, difficult, boring, lovely, horrible, and a whole lot of other things, too.

So, what has been ordinary about my life today?  Everything, really.  I worked in our office for a couple of hours this morning, went to the post office, the courthouse (it’s the last day of the month, which means vehicle taxes and licensing), the bank and the grocery store.  I came home and washed clothes and dishes.  I wasted two hours reading a book when I should have been dusting and cleaning the bathroom (oh, well, there is always tomorrow). I vacuumed and got supper ready and in the oven with the timer set before school was out. After school pickup we were able to fit in a quick trip to the mall to check out the clearance and sales.  Then supper and a last bit of folding clothes that should have been done earlier but was pushed back because of the reading episode.

It is so nice when I manage a day like this so that I have time to read the paper in the evening instead of doing the finishing up after supper.  I still need to put away the dry dishes before bed. 

I even fit in one not so ordinary things.  I talked to my brother, who needed it.  Family is a lot more important that anything else that is done in my house.  

I am a SAHM and I am Glad to Do it.

Disclaimer:  This article only applies to stay at home moms, not those who work outside of their home.  


I've been thinking lately of the privilege I have of being a stay at home mom.  I haven't had to go out to work to help out. We have a quieter life than most people and our kids don't have a huge amount of electronic gadgets.  We've had to learn to be careful with our spending.  Because of that, I've been thinking of the responsibilities of being a SAHM.  My job is to be manager of the home and I don't expect my husband to do things after he gets home from work that I am perfectly capable of doing.  The most important thing is making my home a nice place. You notice, I didn't say perfect.  I said a NICE place.  And by that I mean (if you have young children), you feed them, clothe them, and clean them.  I mean you should feed your husband when he gets home from work, make sure he has clean clothes and a path to walk through the house.  When the kids go to school, it should be more of the same, with better meals, more clean clothes and the path is a whole lot wider.  It's getting off the computer to fill the dishwasher or put a load in the washing machine in-between answering kids questions and rescuing them from the top of the fridge.  It's planning ahead a little so meat is thawed so dinner can be quick when your husband gets home to do rescuing duty.
I still am what I consider a stay at home mom, although I do work at our business 5-6 hours a week when the kids are in school or sleeping in in the summer. I know whereof  I speak.  I didn't always do well.  I didn't always have supper ready for my husband when he got home from work.  But I made it while he was watching the kids.  I couldn't get everything done, and he kindly helped me when I was overwhelmed, with dishes or laundry, vacuuming or mopping. Those were difficult years, and rather chaotic as anyone who stays home with young children knows.  Some days were bad, I would sit and let things pile up around me and be thankful that I wasn't chronically depressed, knowing that if I would get up and put one thing away, I could put away two or three or ten.  I knew I would feel better tomorrow.  But, then the kids went to school, their toys grew up and got fewer and didn't spend so much time in the living room.  They took some responsibility for their own things. And then, I began to see what a stay at home mom could be. I could manage the grocery budget better, I could keep the house cleaner, I could keep the laundry up, I could spend even more time on the computer, and with books and with yarn.  And I did.  And I didn't keep the house cleaner, but I still fed everybody and did laundry.

What I'm getting at, is that I know it is hard to keep things going with children, but if you are a stay at home mom, there is absolutely no reason to not feed your husband after he works all day, and to keep his clothes washed.  That's the privilege of being a stay at home mom, and not having to go out to work.  It's learning how to manage a home, and I mean everything from food to schedules.  It's what people do in an office.  It's a high calling to do it at home, and make a success of it.  It means getting off the computer and doing something whether you want to or not.

I have a busy life and cart kids around, but I can get the housework out of the way so that when my kids are home, they have ME, and I'm not rushing around finishing up things that should have been done long before. And you know, I like it, in fact, I love it.  I'm learning to love being a home manager, to have a nice tidy house most days, to look around and know things are under control most of the time.

And things will go out of control, this is real life we are talking about.  But, if you are used to working around and getting things done, it is a lot easier to get back in control when they do go out.

It still doesn't have to be perfect.