I Made it Through

One thing I really enjoy about growing up is that I can handle more busy days in a row, without having to succumb to a headache halfway through.  I also like the fact that I can get by on less sleep.  I guess that is what having teenagers does for you.  You lose sleep, but you don't have to pick up after them.
Fourth of July week was one of those weeks I thought would never end, I just went from high point to high point, or from one event to another.  With the holiday on one end and a baby shower on the other, I had to keep things tidy and going.  My daughter and family were here from Sunday to Tuesday.  We had two days of picnicking, fireworks, swimming and food.  This was my daughter's baby shower, she's expecting another this summer and we are eagerly waiting his coming. An old friend came early with her mother so I was getting ready with extra company.  Luckily, they were perfect company, helping when I needed help and staying out of the way when I didn't.  We had 'home meetings' both Sunday and Wednesday here, which helped keep the cleanness going.  Thursday was the big day, and my youngest daughter hosted the party beautifully, people stayed to visit.  We tidied up enough to keep the bugs away and went to bed.  My mom did the big washing up in the morning, our company left and we were back in business.

Then it was some shopping business with my mom.  It was nice to have her here for a couple of days, and to do some fun things together.  I actually bought a new skirt and top.  I haven't bought anything new for a VERY long time.  Usually I only see the inside of the Good Will when it is time for new clothes.  (And very nice ones, have I found in there, you just have to look.)

So, then, Mom left Sat. On Friday evening, hubby went to get grandson number one for the weekend. So, we weren't done yet, but I began to wish I was.  I wanted to have some time to sit down and regroup.  And that for sure doesn't happen with a toddler.  But, Sunday rolled around again, I cooked supper for my daughter and family and some extra friends with three teenagers again, everybody was gone by 9, and I WAS DONE.

Then we got a call that detasseling starts in two days, and it was time to start planning again.

Ah, real life, what would we do without it?

Getting Started

First let it be known that I am basically a nice person. I make sure my family has clean clothes (sometimes I slip up), good food (according to my husband, my kids don't like much of anything I do right now), and a clean house (not always a tidy one).  I believe in good values, honesty, integrity, virtue, purity, kindness, etc. I like people and I like to do things for them.  But, I'm not a finished product yet.  The sad part of all this is that I'm in my mid 40's and I'm just now getting it together.  I've spent most of my life with an underlying unhappiness that is my own doing.  I'm not grabbing life to the fullest with both hands.  I'm spending too much time worrying about what others think, too much time thinking of why I feel the way I do, and not enough time loving the people around me and doing things for them.  

I wrote in my journal a year ago hoping to see more progress this year, and there is progress just not as much as I hoped, but going in the right direction. 

I started a new journal in May of 2010 to write down my thoughts so I could really see what I am, what's bothering me, and what I can do to make me a happier person.  A happier person is a nicer person to everyone. This must be about 6 months after I found flylady.

Fly lady has had a profound influence on my life.  I don't follow her plan exactly, because I resist having a written routine to do the same things every day. Rebellion just seems to rise up inside me when I see it, so I've  incorporated some of her ideas, very slowly so I'm doing nice housekeeping things by habit, not with a list breathing down my neck.  I read her emails, and they really do help, so that when I'm wandering around the house getting things done, I hear "do it now", "make it easier on yourself", "a little in better than nothing", "set your timer for 15, 7, 5, or even 2 minutes, and focus on doing something".  Oh, flylady isn't for everyone, but it helps me see that just doing housework in a timely manner not only blesses my family, it blesses me. So, then I do those things mentioned in the first paragraph, and I'm learning to like to do them.  

Here's that first journal entry:

"I usually journal so that it wouldn't matter who reads my stuff, but this time I hope this journal will show my own journey to happiness.  I'm not really unhappy, but I'm not as happy as I could be because I don't treat my husband as nicely as I should   The other thing is I eat too much.  I eat when I'm bored, depressed, unhappy, sick or anxious. I'm hoping by writing these things down, I can change or fix them. I need to live my life with (new grandson at home 24/7) in it, not fighting the fact that he's there and I can't get anything done.  I need to work with my problems not fight them. 

I haven't made as much progress as I wish I had since then, and I'm ready for more. My grandson is out of the house now, living with his mother and her husband.  I sit less, and do more.  Sometimes I even do my work before I play.  Most of the time I start early on supper for my family.  I tidy up most days early in the morning, if I didn't do it before bed.  I check my calendar for today's plans.   I write them on a dry erase board so everyone knows. I do laundry as needed and don't let it pile up, (Now the folding and putting away is put off sometimes).  I try to have my dishes done and my sink cleaned out before I go to bed.  I wipe up my bathroom every other day.  I don't step over things, I put them away.  I exercise or work in the flower garden.  And I like it. I have more energy, and I'm happier. Oh, this isn't to say these things happen perfectly every day.  Some days I'm just too tired to care about anything, or too lazy, or too something.  But, it's getting to be 5 days out of seven, and I feel better/happier when I've accomplished something that benefits my family.  

It ISN'T all about me. It's about what I can do for my family first, then I'll see what I can do for some others outside of it.