Give Me a Lift

I found a letter I wrote to a friend who was have a hard time and I like it.  It is a little picture of my life at the time and how I like to cheer and encourage.

"These are busy days for us since the garden is starting to produce.  Jim planted way more beets than I really want to pickle, but I am working at it.   Our beans are soon ready to be picked and they are a chore, but I do like to have them in the freezer for winter time.  We’ve reworked all our flower gardens and it looks really nice out there, but we do need to continue the weeding or it will be right back where we started.  I think one of the hardest things to do in life is to just do a little at a time to the final goal.  Just 15 minutes in the flower garden every day keeps it mostly weed free and looks nice even if a few little ones are peeking up.  I have been following the flylady for awhile.  I don’t do everything she says, she has a site for organizing your housecleaning.   There are a few things she suggests that I do and like.  One of her main ideas is to take baby steps to conquer anything.   Most people, myself included, when we see a thing that needs to be done, tear into it, get it all or mostly done and get so tired we don’t want to clean anything for a very long time.  She suggests we have a routine and do it and things get clean slowly and then stay clean.  I’m not really following much of a routine at all, but there are a few things I always keep up. Over the last year, some of them are a quick bathroom clean (counter and toilet) three days a week, lay out my clothes at night, tidy up the living room before bed most of the time, and no dishes in the sink at night, and write up menus for supper, some weeks are better than others for that!! She sends out lots of emails and that can be annoying unless you're really into them.  I enjoy reading some of them for inspiration and encouragement, but if I ‘m not in the mood to read them, I just delete them.  I don’t know what it is about the human mind that doing the same thing every day for a long time is to hard.  Some people are better at it than others.  It sure is hard for me. 

A little over a year ago, when I had yet another slightly high cholesterol result, I decided I was going to do something about it without medication, since I had heard stories of the side effects on others.  It rather scared me, too, than my ‘bad’ cholesterol was so high, as were the triglycerides.  So, because of the fear, at first it was easy to quit eating so much sugar and eat salad twice a day and not eat pasta.  The weight just fell off and I was so pleased.  I worked really hard, felt really pleased with myself ( a little much thinking of myself) and when I got the results in a year, my numbers were closer to where they should be.  And then my mind says, “oh, that was good, we can take a vacation!!”  And I did, all winter and gained most of that weight back, could hardly took at a salad, and felt bad for any bragging I had done about how good my self control was.  So, I really ought to get back where I was and I am finding it very hard not to eat some of the things I love.  I really love to eat.  I am only saved by my high metabolism from not weighing 200 pounds!  I don’t know if I am ready to start again, since whatever I do about my eating needs to last the rest of my life.  But I will start with the no bedtime snacks, baby steps, one thing at a time.

I don’t know if the beginning is easier than the middle for you.  But I will think about you at bedtime for sure"

Re-reading this has been very interesting.  I have gained more weight yet, and my metabolism is slowing down more.  This was written a few years ago, and I have decided I need to start again.  I am a little bit worried about my sugar intake this time, but I'm really going baby steps this time. I'm walking at least 25 minutes every day, and thinking about what I'm eating, even if it is things I probably shouldn't.  I need to do a lot more, but I'm not going to think about that yet.  My ultimate goal is eating less sugar and fitness. 

I have a hodge-podge of stuff going through my head this morning.  I'm doing pretty well at my "keeping off the computer and keeping up in the house" mode.  Since I've decided I need to lose a little weight, I've been writing down what I eat.  I still am eating more than I should.  I seem to have no self control most of the time. My mother is on a restrictive diet for a health condition and in order to best control it she is writing down everything she eats and drinks to manage better with fewer attacks.  This morning after annoying everyone after a snoring session last evening by sleeping in my chair, I feel SOMETHING has to be done.  I know I am snoring because I've gained weight.  If she can do it,  if other people can do it, surely I can.  But, can I do it for the rest of my life?  If I knew I would die in two weeks if I didn't, I could do it.  Otherwise....I just seem to go on living like I am going to be living forever and who cares what I eat and whether I exercise or not.  What is it going to take for me to lose weight and to keep it off?  Regular exercise and watching every bite that goes in my mouth?  I don't like to, I don't want to.  But, I'm going to give it a try.  For two weeks, I've kept on my housekeeping schedule, and I'm beginning to feel unhappy if I don't.  I rebel at times, but I'm keeping the most important things done.  There are two reasons I'm doing this.  One, it makes life easier for me, no rushing, no wondering, and two, I'm happier, which makes my family happier.

I'm hoping to have guilt free time to get some photos organized and used, and other computer projects.  So, my staying off the computer is no games and no internet time wasting stuff. I have to time myself though, because too much mouse work hurts my wrist and arm. I'm also cutting back on the knitting, partly because I don't get more important things done first, and partly because it is hurting my arm if I do too much.

I am happier these two weeks, even though we've had a "teenage incident" that caused us much time and stress.   I don't want to be lazy anymore.  I want to live the rest of my life and know that I am living it, not just marking the days or letting them go by in a hurry without me knowing it.

Some of this is Flylady.  That is where I started. It works for me, so I'm going to keep at it.

Listening is Better Than Talking

It's finally starting to cool down here in the midwest, actually I think according to the media, I'm in the Plains States.   It is funny to me to think that Minnesota to Missouri, and Iowa to Ohio are called mid-WEST states, when they aren't west at all. Then I googled "Great Plains States" and they are the Dakotas, on south and west to the Rockies.   I don't have a quarrel with the term "plains states", because they have a great many flat places.  But to call someting "mid-west" that is east of the middle just doesn't seem right.  It just bugs me.  Okay, okay, I'll get down off my soap box now and behave myself.  I think too many things bug me, or else I just like to sound off to other people and air my knowledge, or just show off.  That made me think of this quote from flylady I found a while back.


When you understand that the need to tell someone about yourself is no more than a need for attention, you can start right away to give yourself attention in the form of compassion, understanding, wisdom, guidance and love and the next time you are in a two-way conversation, you'll really listen. 


Do I need to tell people everything I know on a subject when it is brought up? No
Do I need to add something to every conversation?  No
Do I need to play "one upmanship" at any time in a conversation?  No
Do I need to pay attention to the person who is talking and notice what sort of conversation it is before I say anything?  Yes


I'm afraid I often say things to get attention, to prove to people that I know things, and that I am there next to them.    I also know that people really like to be listened to, and that would be a better place to fill than calling attention to myself.  


(Oops, this is nearly a repeat of an earlier post, oh well, this blog is for my own learning and benefit, and it I need it twice...so be it.)

Pay Attention

I don't intend to make this an 'I love only flylady" blog.  Although, I have a lot of respect for her ideas.  They are slowly infiltrating themselves into my brain and I'm getting a lot more things done.  


I liked this quote she sent out to her followers a couple of weeks ago.  


"When you understand that the need to tell someone about yourself is no more than a need for attention, you can start right away to give yourself attention in the form of compassion, understanding, wisdom, guidance and love and the next time you are in a two-way conversation, you'll really listen." 


I think I talk too much. When I get with my girlfriends and they start talking, pretty soon I'm right in there wanting to add, or even one-up them.  You know how it goes, "My baby is having this rash and I wonder what I should do", and here I am saying, "Oh, well, I had that rash on all my babies, and it was worse, and this is what I did, so of course it's the best things to do."  When I really look at what I am doing, I am looking for someone to pay attention to me.  Having a little notice is well and good, but in my basic philosophy, it isn't the one and only.  Why should I be looking for someone to pay attention to me, when I'm trying to take attention from someone else.   It isn't all about me and it never was.  I grew up in a family that wasn't very affectionate, or given to handing out compliments.  I think I've spent most of my years after I left home looking for them.  I wouldn't think it would be all that much fun to have a friend that spends her time looking for complements.  I have lots of friends that love me, admire me, and family that loves me, too.  (I'm not sure teens are ever proud of their Moms.)  


So, I've been doing what that quote says.  If I get to feeling sorry for myself that I'm unappreciated, or unnoticed.  It just go do something fun for a little while.  It rests me; it reduces my stress; and we'll see what it does the next time I have time to be with my friends.

It's All in the Attitude

I have a confession to make. I don't like to clean. But I like even less a huge mess around me. I used to be too tired to care.  When my children were younger, I couldn't seem to get it all done anyway, so I read books.  That was before facebook and google.  I didn't waste my time on the computer, I read.  So, I didn't do my work.  I didn't want to.  You would think I had all the time in the world, being a stay at home mom.  Well, I didn't have all the time in the world, raising children can wreak havoc on even the best of intentions.  But, I could have had more time, if I just DID something.  As the kids got bigger and the toys were fewer, I could keep things tidier without much effort.  Sometimes I would have to just ban books for awhile in order to get things done.   I don't seem to have much control when I'm reading.  When you use things to escape reality, you can get into trouble. When it interferes with relationships and taking care of your family, it's too much.  I've also discovered over my years of living that when I pretend, or just get up and do SOMETHING, it sort of feeds on itself.  It feels good to get some housework done.  I feel better at the end of the day and that helps the whole management of the house and family thing go more smoothly.

That's the whole point.  I don't feel good about myself or what I've done if I don't do anything all day.  I've chosen this job, do be a home manager instead of a working outside the home.  It's a real job, too.  A home can be manged effectively and efficiently.  It can also be managed well enough so everyone is happy, has clean clothes, food to eat, and can walk around the house without being in danger of killing themselves. I learned to write things down so I don't forget them.  I learned to do my work and play later.  I found the Flylady. I don't follow her instructions to the letter.  She even says herself, to take what she has and make it work for yourself.  I was heading in the direction she takes you.  It sure makes for a better attitude and a better looking house, if you just put forth a little effort every day.  I have learned more from just reading the emails for the general attitude adjustments, than anything else.

I wish I would have known flylady when the kids were little.  Would I have used her ideas and tips?  How hard would it be with little kids to just "get up and go" with the little things that make the house look better and everyone gets fed?  I don't know, because I didn't try it.  I don't say I never cleaned.  Every couple of weeks, I would really clean up the house and make the main living areas look good.  But it wasn't an everyday affair. The main thing, I think, needs to be, work a little, you'll feel better, and take care of your families needs, and then just do a little more.

Getting Started

First let it be known that I am basically a nice person. I make sure my family has clean clothes (sometimes I slip up), good food (according to my husband, my kids don't like much of anything I do right now), and a clean house (not always a tidy one).  I believe in good values, honesty, integrity, virtue, purity, kindness, etc. I like people and I like to do things for them.  But, I'm not a finished product yet.  The sad part of all this is that I'm in my mid 40's and I'm just now getting it together.  I've spent most of my life with an underlying unhappiness that is my own doing.  I'm not grabbing life to the fullest with both hands.  I'm spending too much time worrying about what others think, too much time thinking of why I feel the way I do, and not enough time loving the people around me and doing things for them.  

I wrote in my journal a year ago hoping to see more progress this year, and there is progress just not as much as I hoped, but going in the right direction. 

I started a new journal in May of 2010 to write down my thoughts so I could really see what I am, what's bothering me, and what I can do to make me a happier person.  A happier person is a nicer person to everyone. This must be about 6 months after I found flylady.

Fly lady has had a profound influence on my life.  I don't follow her plan exactly, because I resist having a written routine to do the same things every day. Rebellion just seems to rise up inside me when I see it, so I've  incorporated some of her ideas, very slowly so I'm doing nice housekeeping things by habit, not with a list breathing down my neck.  I read her emails, and they really do help, so that when I'm wandering around the house getting things done, I hear "do it now", "make it easier on yourself", "a little in better than nothing", "set your timer for 15, 7, 5, or even 2 minutes, and focus on doing something".  Oh, flylady isn't for everyone, but it helps me see that just doing housework in a timely manner not only blesses my family, it blesses me. So, then I do those things mentioned in the first paragraph, and I'm learning to like to do them.  

Here's that first journal entry:

"I usually journal so that it wouldn't matter who reads my stuff, but this time I hope this journal will show my own journey to happiness.  I'm not really unhappy, but I'm not as happy as I could be because I don't treat my husband as nicely as I should   The other thing is I eat too much.  I eat when I'm bored, depressed, unhappy, sick or anxious. I'm hoping by writing these things down, I can change or fix them. I need to live my life with (new grandson at home 24/7) in it, not fighting the fact that he's there and I can't get anything done.  I need to work with my problems not fight them. 

I haven't made as much progress as I wish I had since then, and I'm ready for more. My grandson is out of the house now, living with his mother and her husband.  I sit less, and do more.  Sometimes I even do my work before I play.  Most of the time I start early on supper for my family.  I tidy up most days early in the morning, if I didn't do it before bed.  I check my calendar for today's plans.   I write them on a dry erase board so everyone knows. I do laundry as needed and don't let it pile up, (Now the folding and putting away is put off sometimes).  I try to have my dishes done and my sink cleaned out before I go to bed.  I wipe up my bathroom every other day.  I don't step over things, I put them away.  I exercise or work in the flower garden.  And I like it. I have more energy, and I'm happier. Oh, this isn't to say these things happen perfectly every day.  Some days I'm just too tired to care about anything, or too lazy, or too something.  But, it's getting to be 5 days out of seven, and I feel better/happier when I've accomplished something that benefits my family.  

It ISN'T all about me. It's about what I can do for my family first, then I'll see what I can do for some others outside of it.