Anxiety Will Get You Nowhere

I feel anxious tonight.  I'm not sure why.  I don't get anxious very often anymore.  Even when I am feeling blue about family problems, I'm usually not anxious.  It might have something to do with the weather, it is getting gray out. It might have something to do with family dynamics.  I'm trying with everything that I am not to be critical of anyone in this household.  (Next I'll work on people outside of it.)  My daughter is doing well with her temper and critical behavior toward me, but not toward her dad.  This could be it.  He was depressed yesterday because of it. I'm in the middle, again, and I don't know how to make it better.  I will have to think.  I'm writing to see if it will help.  I can't ask or suggest any non-violent inducing questions right now, because homework is being done.  So, I will just have to go to bed early and feel better in the morning.  And, wish my son was speaking to me.

I have a hodge-podge of stuff going through my head this morning.  I'm doing pretty well at my "keeping off the computer and keeping up in the house" mode.  Since I've decided I need to lose a little weight, I've been writing down what I eat.  I still am eating more than I should.  I seem to have no self control most of the time. My mother is on a restrictive diet for a health condition and in order to best control it she is writing down everything she eats and drinks to manage better with fewer attacks.  This morning after annoying everyone after a snoring session last evening by sleeping in my chair, I feel SOMETHING has to be done.  I know I am snoring because I've gained weight.  If she can do it,  if other people can do it, surely I can.  But, can I do it for the rest of my life?  If I knew I would die in two weeks if I didn't, I could do it.  Otherwise....I just seem to go on living like I am going to be living forever and who cares what I eat and whether I exercise or not.  What is it going to take for me to lose weight and to keep it off?  Regular exercise and watching every bite that goes in my mouth?  I don't like to, I don't want to.  But, I'm going to give it a try.  For two weeks, I've kept on my housekeeping schedule, and I'm beginning to feel unhappy if I don't.  I rebel at times, but I'm keeping the most important things done.  There are two reasons I'm doing this.  One, it makes life easier for me, no rushing, no wondering, and two, I'm happier, which makes my family happier.

I'm hoping to have guilt free time to get some photos organized and used, and other computer projects.  So, my staying off the computer is no games and no internet time wasting stuff. I have to time myself though, because too much mouse work hurts my wrist and arm. I'm also cutting back on the knitting, partly because I don't get more important things done first, and partly because it is hurting my arm if I do too much.

I am happier these two weeks, even though we've had a "teenage incident" that caused us much time and stress.   I don't want to be lazy anymore.  I want to live the rest of my life and know that I am living it, not just marking the days or letting them go by in a hurry without me knowing it.

Some of this is Flylady.  That is where I started. It works for me, so I'm going to keep at it.

Listening is Better Than Talking

It's finally starting to cool down here in the midwest, actually I think according to the media, I'm in the Plains States.   It is funny to me to think that Minnesota to Missouri, and Iowa to Ohio are called mid-WEST states, when they aren't west at all. Then I googled "Great Plains States" and they are the Dakotas, on south and west to the Rockies.   I don't have a quarrel with the term "plains states", because they have a great many flat places.  But to call someting "mid-west" that is east of the middle just doesn't seem right.  It just bugs me.  Okay, okay, I'll get down off my soap box now and behave myself.  I think too many things bug me, or else I just like to sound off to other people and air my knowledge, or just show off.  That made me think of this quote from flylady I found a while back.


When you understand that the need to tell someone about yourself is no more than a need for attention, you can start right away to give yourself attention in the form of compassion, understanding, wisdom, guidance and love and the next time you are in a two-way conversation, you'll really listen. 


Do I need to tell people everything I know on a subject when it is brought up? No
Do I need to add something to every conversation?  No
Do I need to play "one upmanship" at any time in a conversation?  No
Do I need to pay attention to the person who is talking and notice what sort of conversation it is before I say anything?  Yes


I'm afraid I often say things to get attention, to prove to people that I know things, and that I am there next to them.    I also know that people really like to be listened to, and that would be a better place to fill than calling attention to myself.  


(Oops, this is nearly a repeat of an earlier post, oh well, this blog is for my own learning and benefit, and it I need it twice...so be it.)

I've Got Class

I am sorting through books these days in my attempts to get rid of a few more things in my house.  Being a true SHE (Side-Tracked Home Executive).  I do well about everyday tidying for a while and then something critical or more exciting comes up, and I get buried somewhere.  Nowhere is this more apparent than in my basement.  Right now it is a storage area for things I'm sure someone is going to need someday, including my children's toys that I hope they will play with at their house or mine.  I am going to need some granddaughters, since I have girl toys, too.  I also have the craft area and sewing room down there and during the last several months my daughter and I have been  making a mess  working down there. So, as I have started in the sewing area and going through projects that I will conceivably finish, and throwing out those I won't.; I have made my way to the book shelves.  I got rid of a box full, and separated another pile to read and keep or discard.  I found one called "Manners Now and Then", by May B. Van Arsdale and Mary Rebecca Lingenfelter.  It is written in 1940.  I was amused to find that some of the same bad manners they accuse of young people today, were a problem back then, too. I'm not keeping this book.  I don't feel it is an important resource for this day and age.  


But, I am digressing for the whole purpose of this post, which is to write down the few bits out of it that I want to keep.  


Chapter III
 Manners Begin at Home

"Home is the place where manners and charity as well as many other virtues should have their roots, and strong ones, too."
"The person who has always lived in an atmosphere of good breeding at home unconsciously radiates an air of gentility--or whatever you want to call that indefinable quality which we slangily speak of as 'class'. 


When I was in college I knew a girl, who I thought was the classiest girl I ever saw.  Even back then, I knew that class isn't something that you see on the outside of a person, it's what they are inside.  It's the way the behave, the way they treat other people, the words they use.  


I don't really have it.  I'm getting better.  I'm not as impatient as I was and I can control my temper better.  I have learned there are plenty of things people say that aren't worth getting worked up about.  The one thing that I have managed to achieve, is not taking offense by what others say.  Most people that say unkind things are just not thinking (I do that plenty, unfortunately)  or the people themselves don't matter.  


This poem reminded me of the attitudes I'd like to have:


Daily Creed
by Edgar Guest


Let me be a little kinder,
Let me be a little blinder,
To the faults about me
Let me praise a little more.
Let me be when I am weary,
Just a little bit more cheery,
Let me serve a little better
Those that I am striving for,
Let me be a little braver
When temptation bids me waver,
Let me strive a little harder
To be all that I should be.
Let me be a little meeker
To a brother that is weaker,
Let me think more of my neighbor
And a little less of me.


I know this little poem has been around for decades but it is just as needful today as it was then.  If I treat everyone, family,  friends, even strangers, if EVERYONE would treat others that way, we wouldn't have to worry about school shootings.  


I think I need to read it often.


This is the last little bit I wanted to save as a reminder to my kids.  Not that they will ever read it.


Chapter XI
How to Get on in Business


"A friendly, cheerful manner is one of the greatest assets anyone could have in business. There will be plenty of things about any job which will make you feel far from cheerful at times."
"If you have never learned before to conceal your own discouragement or irritation, and present a calm and cheerful exterior, you will have to learn it if you are trying to be successful in business." 
"Your usefulness will depend on how well you can adapt yourself to the circumstances of your job and the other people you work with."
"Good manners play an important part....In the rush of business, it may sometimes seem easier to crowd in front of someone else at a file, or to reach across a desk for papers that you must have in a hurry.   ....No matter what the rush, there is always time for a word of apology or explanation...."


Courtesy and patience, that's all it takes.  


And lest I let a post go by without a mention of Flylady.  If you use her principles of "being kind to yourself" and "do it now", so you are ahead of the game instead of behind, it's easier.