I've Been Sick

I'm not really sure how I like the new blogger.  However, the best way to adjust to anything, is to just use it until you are used to it.  I'm still not used to the new facebook however. 

This has been such an up and down spring.  After a few hot days it is cool again.  I'm really enjoying being cool instead of hot and sweaty.  My thermostat is set permanently on HOT these days. 

I've been sick and lost my sense of smell.  I don't like it, since there are things that smelling is used for, dirty diapers and burning things on the stove are two such important things.  My food doesn't taste as good either, smelling is really rather useful and important.  

So, I've been eating less. And, I've lost 5 pounds.  It is hard to eat when your nose is plugged, and it is no fun to eat when things don't taste good.  

I hope it lasts.  

The non-eating part, not the non-smelling part.

These time of year, THIS year is very strange, not at all what I expected and planned for it to be.  My son should be graduating, ceremony, party, and all that. 

But, there is no party, since he's not living here.  I just hope he got everything together to graduate.  It will make a big difference in his future life.
It is late.  I can't sleep.  I don't know if this is because of life events or antibiotics.  At any rate, I'll be glad when school is out, and I have a different set of challenges to face.  One of which will be how to keep a teen girl busy while she waits to detassel and everyone else is travelling and she can't. 

Anxiety Will Get You Nowhere

I feel anxious tonight.  I'm not sure why.  I don't get anxious very often anymore.  Even when I am feeling blue about family problems, I'm usually not anxious.  It might have something to do with the weather, it is getting gray out. It might have something to do with family dynamics.  I'm trying with everything that I am not to be critical of anyone in this household.  (Next I'll work on people outside of it.)  My daughter is doing well with her temper and critical behavior toward me, but not toward her dad.  This could be it.  He was depressed yesterday because of it. I'm in the middle, again, and I don't know how to make it better.  I will have to think.  I'm writing to see if it will help.  I can't ask or suggest any non-violent inducing questions right now, because homework is being done.  So, I will just have to go to bed early and feel better in the morning.  And, wish my son was speaking to me.

Just Say "No"

I have been having good days.  I don't think I worry about the state of my life or the country as much when I am busy.  I blog more when things I'm worrying I guess.  Today I did something that I'm glad I did.  I didn't let my daughter talk me into something I didn't want her to do.  I have spent my life doing that while raising up my other kids.  There are times that "nos" can be changed to "yes", but I had a good reason today and I stood my ground.   What I don't understand is why I feel so bad afterwards.  I know I don't like conflict, I don't like to make decisions, I don't like to listen to annoyed children.  I have learned over the past few years that I need to stand my ground and sometimes I can.  It is very important for children not to have all their desires granted.  I think I'm getting better, but I still don't like it much.  I'm more likely to go into 'avoidance' mode and ignore problems, which of course, does not make them better, and very often makes them worse.
I am learning to face other things head on and get them done, like income taxes, and business needs.  What I need most is to just take the time to THINK about things.  I had big ideas about writing things to change the world, when I need to write things to change MY world.  I'm not sure that needs to be public.

It's Hard to Grow Up

It is amazing the way a mind works. I know that when it comes to being a teenager that anything they feel is about 10 times what you feel as an adult, partly because they don't have the experience to put life's triumphs and disappointments in perspective, but also because their brains aren't fully developed.  The part that deals with being reasonable hasn't kicked in yet.  I know when I was a kid I was afraid of about everything.  I worried about things that were unlikely to happen as well.  It did, however, keep me out of a lot of trouble. The one thing I remember very clearly was that I didn't want to do anything or be anywhere that would make me lose control of myself or my circumstances.  I had a lot of respect that was tempered with fear of my parents.  Oh, there were things that I would change about my growing up, and there where things that I didn't do because my parents did.  One thing I wish for now in raising my own kids, is that I would have made them a little more afraid of me.  It helps them keep on the straight and narrow.
Anyway, we are living with a situation that I never thought  I would have to.  This situation of having a child leave home in less than ideal circumstances, and with the thought that my child is out there telling people that we are bad people, is rather hard to take.  And he isn't being very nice to us either.
I know I let the kids manipulate me more than they should have.   I guess I wasn't smart enough or confident enough to know what was going on, and after the fact, it is hard to go back and fix it.  I'm not sure if he is going to battle with a plan or if it is just a product of a mind that is trying very hard to get what he wants by working on other people and us.  He is telling other people untruths about how he left home and they are believing him.  I don't have much respect for the people he is with.  I wonder about people who are willing to take in a teenager on the strength of his word alone.  I think that he as well as his champions are just trying to intimidate us.  If they really thought something should be done, wouldn't they call social services?
Anyway, I am being very careful what I say to anyone, what I text to him or anyone wanting to know about him.  I have written down what happened on that fateful night.
I just wonder where his mind is.  Does he really believe what he says about us, what the facts are, what really happened?  I know that when one looks back on events, children especially get a twisted view that is all tangles up in their feelings. I can't really explain what I am thinking.  He is a very proud, stubborn kid.  If he is waiting for us to beg him to come home, it isn't going to happen.  I've told him several times that he can come home. I am limiting contact, because I'm not going to let him be rude to me. I feel very sorry for him.  All he can see is the version of events as he sees it.  I suppose it is something like he has to do that in his own mind, so he doesn't have to admit that he is wrong.  It is too bad that life is going to have to teach him what we can't.
 For awhile now, he hasn't been wanting any guidance from us, or any house rules.  You know the ones, "I want to know where you are, who you are with, and where you are going, and what you are going to do while you are there.  And come home at curfew and go to school."  I didn't realize I was such an evil person. No wonder he left.

The Decline of Civilization

I don't like the way civilization is heading in this country.  I'm hoping it isn't going downhill as fast as it seems to be when I look at the teenagers of today.  Maybe I need to look at other people.  I know that teenagers don't think of anything but themselves, but they don't seem to have any respect or fear of anything or anybody,  especially the laws of the land. (or their own bodies or anyone else's)  I know there are good kids out there and thank goodness for them.  They aren't perfect either, and are still subject to the "teenage angst" to a certain degree, but these are the ones that are thinking beyond today, don't think their parents are the enemy (an annoyance at time, yes), and keep themselves busy so they don't run into much temptation to to bad things.
There is another element out there that I have the misfortune to watch.  I don't even know the whole of how these teenagers act, because I don't want to dig in it too deeply.  What bothers me the most is the "if you do this to me, I'm going to do it right back and worse to you" attitude.  Civilization cannot continue without swallowing some of the insults that come your way.   I don't mean you should never stand up for yourself.  This is really hard to explain, but there seems to be such an undercurrent of taking things into your own hands that I don't like to see in my small community.  This must be how gangs start up.  There might be some in our community and I would hate to think my kids would be involved with people like that.  I'm not quite sure what has gone wrong here that they are drawn to and want to be around the kind of people that are like this.  Oh, there is a sort of loyalty there, but it is more of a banding together of groups against groups, and that is a recipe for trouble.  I know some of them are into drugs and alcohol.  I know most of them have no parents that even try to control them.  We have worked and talked to our kids, telling them that there is a better way to behave, to be a better person, but it falls on deaf ears.  They WANT to act this way.  I would like to place blame on the parents, but you can't do that in all cases.  Yes, parental neglect doesn't help the situation.  There are parents out there, who don't try at all to raise their kids, they just let them bring themselves up, so there is no guidance, no character building, no "it is better to do the right thing".  There are also the kids who have decent parents behind them who care, who have given them good examples, who have given them a good life, and they still want to hang around the negative element in society.  Some of these kids, and I hope mine are among them, won't get in to deeply to get out and be productive members of society.  They aren't doing themselves any favors by getting involved in these barely law-abiding crowds.  Sometimes kids get in too deep and can't get back out again.
There ARE good people out there, there are good teenagers out there, there are still people who know that having a good moral character is important.
From where I am standing today, if there are more teens who feel and act like this now, and grow up to have more children who turn out the same way, it is eventually going to be a very unpleasant society to live in.  It won't be civilization anymore.
In order for civilization to continue, we have to have standards and live up to them.  Sometimes it IS uncomfortable, but in the long run, it is better for everybody.

Take the Swearing Out of It

I have a very nice bunch of friends that I keep up with on facebook, and a few teenagers, too.  What is annoying me today is the amount of swearing that appears on other people's status's.  Some is borrowed when they publish sites that are of interest and some, mostly in the case of the teens, just blatant anger and laziness.  I know that the English language is one of the hardest to learn, but when you've grown up with it, it shouldn't be too difficult to find other words to replace the swear words.I suppose it is mostly the young people who think they are being clever for using words their parents (most parents) don't like.  The same words that THEIR parent's thought they were being clever for using when they were teens. I know that teens like to be rebellious, but in this day of employers and colleges scoping out facebook pages, it is never a good idea to have incriminating information on those pages.

It is ridiculous, aren't there ANY standards out there anymore!  Since when it is fun and interesting to pepper one's speech with the words your grandmother would wash out of your mouth with soap.  I say grandmother's, because my generation is becoming the grandmother's now, and I see the standards of my generation slipping away, down the toilet. However, bad language becomes a habit, and habits become character.  I had a name for people like this when I was younger, I called it "second class". First class people don't use foul language, they don't run down their neighbors, they do build up their friends.  They just DON'T TALK TRASH, about anybody or anything.  I don't call it anything any more, because I am out of the judging people stage. I do, however, try to stay away from people that spend a lot of time swearing, and doing other things that I don't care to be around for the sake of my own mental health.  It isn't clever, it is ugly and it sure doesn't enhance the impression anyone is trying to make, on facebook or off of it.

I think I need to do a little more editing of my friends list.

Pay Attention

I don't intend to make this an 'I love only flylady" blog.  Although, I have a lot of respect for her ideas.  They are slowly infiltrating themselves into my brain and I'm getting a lot more things done.  


I liked this quote she sent out to her followers a couple of weeks ago.  


"When you understand that the need to tell someone about yourself is no more than a need for attention, you can start right away to give yourself attention in the form of compassion, understanding, wisdom, guidance and love and the next time you are in a two-way conversation, you'll really listen." 


I think I talk too much. When I get with my girlfriends and they start talking, pretty soon I'm right in there wanting to add, or even one-up them.  You know how it goes, "My baby is having this rash and I wonder what I should do", and here I am saying, "Oh, well, I had that rash on all my babies, and it was worse, and this is what I did, so of course it's the best things to do."  When I really look at what I am doing, I am looking for someone to pay attention to me.  Having a little notice is well and good, but in my basic philosophy, it isn't the one and only.  Why should I be looking for someone to pay attention to me, when I'm trying to take attention from someone else.   It isn't all about me and it never was.  I grew up in a family that wasn't very affectionate, or given to handing out compliments.  I think I've spent most of my years after I left home looking for them.  I wouldn't think it would be all that much fun to have a friend that spends her time looking for complements.  I have lots of friends that love me, admire me, and family that loves me, too.  (I'm not sure teens are ever proud of their Moms.)  


So, I've been doing what that quote says.  If I get to feeling sorry for myself that I'm unappreciated, or unnoticed.  It just go do something fun for a little while.  It rests me; it reduces my stress; and we'll see what it does the next time I have time to be with my friends.