Unconditional Love

 When you realize that there isn't anything you can do to change other people, it is easier to love them.

I've been thinking about this lately, when I had an epiphany of sorts.  I want to love others more, especially my family, whom I have a very bad habit of thinking my way is the only way to do things. I'm not going to go into much detail here, and this doesn't apply to guiding children into honest and moral ideals.  But, it certainly does apply to over-age children and other family members about whom I am thinking that they live their lives differently.

(This is a very hard subject to discuss, mostly because I don't feel I have the words to do it justice.  So, I may just ramble along here and see what I come up with.)

It, also doesn't mean that I am going to enjoy being around characteristics and activities that I don't think are right, it just means I'm not going to think about them.  I want to try to separate them from the soul inside that needs loved. Love them first, and make sure my own life is displaying the characteristics and spirit that I believe is the most important part of life.

It boils down to how I am going to handle my stress, my worry, my attitude, my joy, my relationships with other people.  It means slowing down and taking time to think about people, .life, connections.  It means being willing to do more for others, and yes, less time for myself.  Kindness done to others, makes them a better person, Kindness to ourselves helps us be kinder to others.

I hope I can hang on to this elusive idea, remembering it everyday.

Avoiding Real Life Doesn't Help

I'm an avoider.  I don't like to face any problems head on, I would rather drift off into no man's land and pretend they never happened.

That said, I don't really want to live that way.  If you want to go through life in a numbed state of consciousness, not only will you miss things, but you won't enjoy them either.  You will come to the end of your life and wonder what happened.  It would be a sorry thing to never have loved enough, enjoyed enough, suffered enough, to make a difference in your own life, and well as others.

I am looking at the beginning of a new year, just around the corner.  I have had a pretty good month.  There have been good days and bad ones.  Thankfully, no "stop the world, I want to get off" moments.  It helps to be busy.  I'm looking after grandkids again.  So, I'm more organized.  There are some days I can't plan on getting anything done, so meals and jobs need to be prepared for and completed ahead of time.  Anything I DO get done on those days, is a bonus.

I'm happier doing things this way.  It feels good at the end of the day, to sit down and reflect.  Everybody ate, the dishes are done, the laundry is done, and the house is tidy.   (Not perfect, just tidy) And on those days, when I spend the entire day out, doing errands, my part-time job and grocery shopping, I just remember, how lucky I am to have the health, and energy to do the work I can do to keep my home managed and my family happier.

It's Hard to Grow Up

It is amazing the way a mind works. I know that when it comes to being a teenager that anything they feel is about 10 times what you feel as an adult, partly because they don't have the experience to put life's triumphs and disappointments in perspective, but also because their brains aren't fully developed.  The part that deals with being reasonable hasn't kicked in yet.  I know when I was a kid I was afraid of about everything.  I worried about things that were unlikely to happen as well.  It did, however, keep me out of a lot of trouble. The one thing I remember very clearly was that I didn't want to do anything or be anywhere that would make me lose control of myself or my circumstances.  I had a lot of respect that was tempered with fear of my parents.  Oh, there were things that I would change about my growing up, and there where things that I didn't do because my parents did.  One thing I wish for now in raising my own kids, is that I would have made them a little more afraid of me.  It helps them keep on the straight and narrow.
Anyway, we are living with a situation that I never thought  I would have to.  This situation of having a child leave home in less than ideal circumstances, and with the thought that my child is out there telling people that we are bad people, is rather hard to take.  And he isn't being very nice to us either.
I know I let the kids manipulate me more than they should have.   I guess I wasn't smart enough or confident enough to know what was going on, and after the fact, it is hard to go back and fix it.  I'm not sure if he is going to battle with a plan or if it is just a product of a mind that is trying very hard to get what he wants by working on other people and us.  He is telling other people untruths about how he left home and they are believing him.  I don't have much respect for the people he is with.  I wonder about people who are willing to take in a teenager on the strength of his word alone.  I think that he as well as his champions are just trying to intimidate us.  If they really thought something should be done, wouldn't they call social services?
Anyway, I am being very careful what I say to anyone, what I text to him or anyone wanting to know about him.  I have written down what happened on that fateful night.
I just wonder where his mind is.  Does he really believe what he says about us, what the facts are, what really happened?  I know that when one looks back on events, children especially get a twisted view that is all tangles up in their feelings. I can't really explain what I am thinking.  He is a very proud, stubborn kid.  If he is waiting for us to beg him to come home, it isn't going to happen.  I've told him several times that he can come home. I am limiting contact, because I'm not going to let him be rude to me. I feel very sorry for him.  All he can see is the version of events as he sees it.  I suppose it is something like he has to do that in his own mind, so he doesn't have to admit that he is wrong.  It is too bad that life is going to have to teach him what we can't.
 For awhile now, he hasn't been wanting any guidance from us, or any house rules.  You know the ones, "I want to know where you are, who you are with, and where you are going, and what you are going to do while you are there.  And come home at curfew and go to school."  I didn't realize I was such an evil person. No wonder he left.

The Decline of Civilization

I don't like the way civilization is heading in this country.  I'm hoping it isn't going downhill as fast as it seems to be when I look at the teenagers of today.  Maybe I need to look at other people.  I know that teenagers don't think of anything but themselves, but they don't seem to have any respect or fear of anything or anybody,  especially the laws of the land. (or their own bodies or anyone else's)  I know there are good kids out there and thank goodness for them.  They aren't perfect either, and are still subject to the "teenage angst" to a certain degree, but these are the ones that are thinking beyond today, don't think their parents are the enemy (an annoyance at time, yes), and keep themselves busy so they don't run into much temptation to to bad things.
There is another element out there that I have the misfortune to watch.  I don't even know the whole of how these teenagers act, because I don't want to dig in it too deeply.  What bothers me the most is the "if you do this to me, I'm going to do it right back and worse to you" attitude.  Civilization cannot continue without swallowing some of the insults that come your way.   I don't mean you should never stand up for yourself.  This is really hard to explain, but there seems to be such an undercurrent of taking things into your own hands that I don't like to see in my small community.  This must be how gangs start up.  There might be some in our community and I would hate to think my kids would be involved with people like that.  I'm not quite sure what has gone wrong here that they are drawn to and want to be around the kind of people that are like this.  Oh, there is a sort of loyalty there, but it is more of a banding together of groups against groups, and that is a recipe for trouble.  I know some of them are into drugs and alcohol.  I know most of them have no parents that even try to control them.  We have worked and talked to our kids, telling them that there is a better way to behave, to be a better person, but it falls on deaf ears.  They WANT to act this way.  I would like to place blame on the parents, but you can't do that in all cases.  Yes, parental neglect doesn't help the situation.  There are parents out there, who don't try at all to raise their kids, they just let them bring themselves up, so there is no guidance, no character building, no "it is better to do the right thing".  There are also the kids who have decent parents behind them who care, who have given them good examples, who have given them a good life, and they still want to hang around the negative element in society.  Some of these kids, and I hope mine are among them, won't get in to deeply to get out and be productive members of society.  They aren't doing themselves any favors by getting involved in these barely law-abiding crowds.  Sometimes kids get in too deep and can't get back out again.
There ARE good people out there, there are good teenagers out there, there are still people who know that having a good moral character is important.
From where I am standing today, if there are more teens who feel and act like this now, and grow up to have more children who turn out the same way, it is eventually going to be a very unpleasant society to live in.  It won't be civilization anymore.
In order for civilization to continue, we have to have standards and live up to them.  Sometimes it IS uncomfortable, but in the long run, it is better for everybody.

Just an Ordinary Day

I’m beginning to wonder how weekly columnists manage to think of things to write about.  I wonder how they do it?  Do they write one every week, or write several at a time so they can take a break.  I would love to write things that could be published.  I’m not sure if I want fame or money.  Earlier in my life I wanted people to notice me, but now I think I would like the money.  I enjoy the columns most that are just about real life and they way people live it. Sharon Randall and Lori Clinch come to mind.  They write about very different things, but they write about their own lives, and that is very interesting.  

I really like to read about the ordinary things of life.  How people clean their houses, what they eat for dinner, what they do to entertain themselves, what their kids do that is good, bad and ugly.  I like to read about the days they manage their time well, and the days they don’t.  I like to know how other people’s lives are different from my own.  Life is funny, difficult, boring, lovely, horrible, and a whole lot of other things, too.

So, what has been ordinary about my life today?  Everything, really.  I worked in our office for a couple of hours this morning, went to the post office, the courthouse (it’s the last day of the month, which means vehicle taxes and licensing), the bank and the grocery store.  I came home and washed clothes and dishes.  I wasted two hours reading a book when I should have been dusting and cleaning the bathroom (oh, well, there is always tomorrow). I vacuumed and got supper ready and in the oven with the timer set before school was out. After school pickup we were able to fit in a quick trip to the mall to check out the clearance and sales.  Then supper and a last bit of folding clothes that should have been done earlier but was pushed back because of the reading episode.

It is so nice when I manage a day like this so that I have time to read the paper in the evening instead of doing the finishing up after supper.  I still need to put away the dry dishes before bed. 

I even fit in one not so ordinary things.  I talked to my brother, who needed it.  Family is a lot more important that anything else that is done in my house.