Just Say "No"

I have been having good days.  I don't think I worry about the state of my life or the country as much when I am busy.  I blog more when things I'm worrying I guess.  Today I did something that I'm glad I did.  I didn't let my daughter talk me into something I didn't want her to do.  I have spent my life doing that while raising up my other kids.  There are times that "nos" can be changed to "yes", but I had a good reason today and I stood my ground.   What I don't understand is why I feel so bad afterwards.  I know I don't like conflict, I don't like to make decisions, I don't like to listen to annoyed children.  I have learned over the past few years that I need to stand my ground and sometimes I can.  It is very important for children not to have all their desires granted.  I think I'm getting better, but I still don't like it much.  I'm more likely to go into 'avoidance' mode and ignore problems, which of course, does not make them better, and very often makes them worse.
I am learning to face other things head on and get them done, like income taxes, and business needs.  What I need most is to just take the time to THINK about things.  I had big ideas about writing things to change the world, when I need to write things to change MY world.  I'm not sure that needs to be public.

I have a hodge-podge of stuff going through my head this morning.  I'm doing pretty well at my "keeping off the computer and keeping up in the house" mode.  Since I've decided I need to lose a little weight, I've been writing down what I eat.  I still am eating more than I should.  I seem to have no self control most of the time. My mother is on a restrictive diet for a health condition and in order to best control it she is writing down everything she eats and drinks to manage better with fewer attacks.  This morning after annoying everyone after a snoring session last evening by sleeping in my chair, I feel SOMETHING has to be done.  I know I am snoring because I've gained weight.  If she can do it,  if other people can do it, surely I can.  But, can I do it for the rest of my life?  If I knew I would die in two weeks if I didn't, I could do it.  Otherwise....I just seem to go on living like I am going to be living forever and who cares what I eat and whether I exercise or not.  What is it going to take for me to lose weight and to keep it off?  Regular exercise and watching every bite that goes in my mouth?  I don't like to, I don't want to.  But, I'm going to give it a try.  For two weeks, I've kept on my housekeeping schedule, and I'm beginning to feel unhappy if I don't.  I rebel at times, but I'm keeping the most important things done.  There are two reasons I'm doing this.  One, it makes life easier for me, no rushing, no wondering, and two, I'm happier, which makes my family happier.

I'm hoping to have guilt free time to get some photos organized and used, and other computer projects.  So, my staying off the computer is no games and no internet time wasting stuff. I have to time myself though, because too much mouse work hurts my wrist and arm. I'm also cutting back on the knitting, partly because I don't get more important things done first, and partly because it is hurting my arm if I do too much.

I am happier these two weeks, even though we've had a "teenage incident" that caused us much time and stress.   I don't want to be lazy anymore.  I want to live the rest of my life and know that I am living it, not just marking the days or letting them go by in a hurry without me knowing it.

Some of this is Flylady.  That is where I started. It works for me, so I'm going to keep at it.

The Days of Our Lives

It is raining today.  I'm trying not to feel blah just because it is raining.  I AM feeling absolutely overwhelmed however. Here it is almost the middle of October and I don't see any signs of the days slowing down.  I'm feeling like I can't enjoy any piece of my life, it is going too fast.  I've been trying to evaluate my life lately and I don't think I'm as happy as I could be. Sometimes it seems like I'm just filling up my time and not getting anything done because I just want this day to be over, or this week, or for it to be Monday again so I can start again.  I don't really enjoy when family comes because I am trying to keep things together.  This time I planned menus ahead, made them simple, delegated chores.  But still things pile up here and there because little things don't get put away.  I tried hard to ignore it and say it doesn't matter. I guess I am thinking ahead to all the things that need done next week, birthday party, office work, courthouse, laundry, mealtime, picking up after myself and sometimes the other people around here, too.

That doesn't sound too bad, really.  But, somehow that stuff always adds itself up and spreads itself out to fill more time than I have.  Last week was a hard week.  My daughter had four days of make up work to do and she was working on homework every night from 4 to midnight.  And she likes to have someone around for "moral support".  She's also working on not having a meltdown when she's stressed or yelling and slamming around either.  She did really well.  Only one "outlet" sort of crying jag, that did a lot of good.  I don't know why crying like that should help, but the books all say it does.  I don't seem to be able to cry like that.  I just yell or get anxious.  Anytime I cry, it is over a book, and then I get a stuffy nose and a headache.

So, for next week, the plan is less facebook, less knitting, and more focusing on the task on hand.  I have a hard time with some of this because I get physically and mentally tired out.  I'm getting better though, ever since I did a couple of months with an exercise video, I've had a lot more energy even though I didn't continue.  Exercise is exercise, even if it is just carrying things around the house.

So, I guess this weather IS making me a little blue, but I am going to make a change this week, starting today, when my company leaves, I'm going to sit down and plan a little for tomorrow, get things ready and in order, and I AM NOT GOING TO READ A BOOK UNTIL I AM TOO TIRED TO DO ANYTHING ELSE.
Now, did you hear that Miss LeaAnne?  Stay tuned, and see what happens this week.