The Decline of Civilization

I don't like the way civilization is heading in this country.  I'm hoping it isn't going downhill as fast as it seems to be when I look at the teenagers of today.  Maybe I need to look at other people.  I know that teenagers don't think of anything but themselves, but they don't seem to have any respect or fear of anything or anybody,  especially the laws of the land. (or their own bodies or anyone else's)  I know there are good kids out there and thank goodness for them.  They aren't perfect either, and are still subject to the "teenage angst" to a certain degree, but these are the ones that are thinking beyond today, don't think their parents are the enemy (an annoyance at time, yes), and keep themselves busy so they don't run into much temptation to to bad things.
There is another element out there that I have the misfortune to watch.  I don't even know the whole of how these teenagers act, because I don't want to dig in it too deeply.  What bothers me the most is the "if you do this to me, I'm going to do it right back and worse to you" attitude.  Civilization cannot continue without swallowing some of the insults that come your way.   I don't mean you should never stand up for yourself.  This is really hard to explain, but there seems to be such an undercurrent of taking things into your own hands that I don't like to see in my small community.  This must be how gangs start up.  There might be some in our community and I would hate to think my kids would be involved with people like that.  I'm not quite sure what has gone wrong here that they are drawn to and want to be around the kind of people that are like this.  Oh, there is a sort of loyalty there, but it is more of a banding together of groups against groups, and that is a recipe for trouble.  I know some of them are into drugs and alcohol.  I know most of them have no parents that even try to control them.  We have worked and talked to our kids, telling them that there is a better way to behave, to be a better person, but it falls on deaf ears.  They WANT to act this way.  I would like to place blame on the parents, but you can't do that in all cases.  Yes, parental neglect doesn't help the situation.  There are parents out there, who don't try at all to raise their kids, they just let them bring themselves up, so there is no guidance, no character building, no "it is better to do the right thing".  There are also the kids who have decent parents behind them who care, who have given them good examples, who have given them a good life, and they still want to hang around the negative element in society.  Some of these kids, and I hope mine are among them, won't get in to deeply to get out and be productive members of society.  They aren't doing themselves any favors by getting involved in these barely law-abiding crowds.  Sometimes kids get in too deep and can't get back out again.
There ARE good people out there, there are good teenagers out there, there are still people who know that having a good moral character is important.
From where I am standing today, if there are more teens who feel and act like this now, and grow up to have more children who turn out the same way, it is eventually going to be a very unpleasant society to live in.  It won't be civilization anymore.
In order for civilization to continue, we have to have standards and live up to them.  Sometimes it IS uncomfortable, but in the long run, it is better for everybody.

The Days of Our Lives

It is raining today.  I'm trying not to feel blah just because it is raining.  I AM feeling absolutely overwhelmed however. Here it is almost the middle of October and I don't see any signs of the days slowing down.  I'm feeling like I can't enjoy any piece of my life, it is going too fast.  I've been trying to evaluate my life lately and I don't think I'm as happy as I could be. Sometimes it seems like I'm just filling up my time and not getting anything done because I just want this day to be over, or this week, or for it to be Monday again so I can start again.  I don't really enjoy when family comes because I am trying to keep things together.  This time I planned menus ahead, made them simple, delegated chores.  But still things pile up here and there because little things don't get put away.  I tried hard to ignore it and say it doesn't matter. I guess I am thinking ahead to all the things that need done next week, birthday party, office work, courthouse, laundry, mealtime, picking up after myself and sometimes the other people around here, too.

That doesn't sound too bad, really.  But, somehow that stuff always adds itself up and spreads itself out to fill more time than I have.  Last week was a hard week.  My daughter had four days of make up work to do and she was working on homework every night from 4 to midnight.  And she likes to have someone around for "moral support".  She's also working on not having a meltdown when she's stressed or yelling and slamming around either.  She did really well.  Only one "outlet" sort of crying jag, that did a lot of good.  I don't know why crying like that should help, but the books all say it does.  I don't seem to be able to cry like that.  I just yell or get anxious.  Anytime I cry, it is over a book, and then I get a stuffy nose and a headache.

So, for next week, the plan is less facebook, less knitting, and more focusing on the task on hand.  I have a hard time with some of this because I get physically and mentally tired out.  I'm getting better though, ever since I did a couple of months with an exercise video, I've had a lot more energy even though I didn't continue.  Exercise is exercise, even if it is just carrying things around the house.

So, I guess this weather IS making me a little blue, but I am going to make a change this week, starting today, when my company leaves, I'm going to sit down and plan a little for tomorrow, get things ready and in order, and I AM NOT GOING TO READ A BOOK UNTIL I AM TOO TIRED TO DO ANYTHING ELSE.
Now, did you hear that Miss LeaAnne?  Stay tuned, and see what happens this week.

To School or Not to School

I was looking around for something to do since I'm on one of my, "let's find something to do rather than sit at the computer all day" kicks.  I seem to have a problem with this getting up and getting lots of things done.  Now, that doesn't mean that NOTHING is done.  Today's load of laundry is drying, the dishes are done, the house is picked up, the bed is made.  I should be sewing. or clearing out or something.  I'm enjoying these days where the kids don't make huge messes, and savoring the last days before school starts.  Then I will be back on the "responsibility for more than me" wagon again.  It isn't just the kids that go back to school.  It's the moms, too.  After all, who makes sure the kids get out of the door in the morning, hopefully with breakfast.  Who makes sure they are ready to go the night before.  Who drives them every morning and picks them up every night.  Who tries to teach them that keeping on top of homework and housework, means an easier time for themselves as well as the mom.  Oh, sure, my kids are big enough to do all these things, but it goes a lot easier if I keep an eye on how well they are handling the stress.  Because, if they can't handle it, then everything goes south with the rest of us.

So, I can't decide if I am ready for school to start or not.  I like being able to work on a project past 3:00.  Because once the kids come home, it is "their" time until time for bed.  I seem to have a hard time getting started on projects early in the morning.  I do like routine (meaning morning starts the same way and we have supper at a normal time), and having everyone home in the evenings, but the older the kids get, the more evening events they have, and then so much for any sort of routine.  I keep reminding myself that these days don't last very long, and when they are gone, I will be wondering where they went, and maybe even wanting a little more busyness around here.

I'm looking forward to cooler days, and cooler nights, for school time curfews, and tied down kids, for time to myself without worrying where the kids are, and time to remember I don't have much more time to teach these kids how life needs to be lived.

Now, to get on with the rest of it, lunch dishes, folding the laundry, and finding a project to do.

Dispelling Myths About Homemaking

I love this post, Dispelling Myths About Homemaking.

All I ever wanted to do when I grew up was be a mother.  I would read those books about people having a dozen children, and having this well organized and well run house, where everyone helped and things ran along like a train on a track.

Then, I went to college, got married and found myself with one child to raise and no more desire to have a dozen, (two or three would be nice), and the train derailed before it got out of the station.

But, I still didn't want to do anything besides by a mother, and I am coming to realize that being a mother, and homemaker is the greatest career on earth.  It is the homemakers that make a home beautiful and comforting. It is the mothers that raise up the children who will continue our world.

Now if that isn't an important job, I don't know what is!!.

Pay Attention

I don't intend to make this an 'I love only flylady" blog.  Although, I have a lot of respect for her ideas.  They are slowly infiltrating themselves into my brain and I'm getting a lot more things done.  


I liked this quote she sent out to her followers a couple of weeks ago.  


"When you understand that the need to tell someone about yourself is no more than a need for attention, you can start right away to give yourself attention in the form of compassion, understanding, wisdom, guidance and love and the next time you are in a two-way conversation, you'll really listen." 


I think I talk too much. When I get with my girlfriends and they start talking, pretty soon I'm right in there wanting to add, or even one-up them.  You know how it goes, "My baby is having this rash and I wonder what I should do", and here I am saying, "Oh, well, I had that rash on all my babies, and it was worse, and this is what I did, so of course it's the best things to do."  When I really look at what I am doing, I am looking for someone to pay attention to me.  Having a little notice is well and good, but in my basic philosophy, it isn't the one and only.  Why should I be looking for someone to pay attention to me, when I'm trying to take attention from someone else.   It isn't all about me and it never was.  I grew up in a family that wasn't very affectionate, or given to handing out compliments.  I think I've spent most of my years after I left home looking for them.  I wouldn't think it would be all that much fun to have a friend that spends her time looking for complements.  I have lots of friends that love me, admire me, and family that loves me, too.  (I'm not sure teens are ever proud of their Moms.)  


So, I've been doing what that quote says.  If I get to feeling sorry for myself that I'm unappreciated, or unnoticed.  It just go do something fun for a little while.  It rests me; it reduces my stress; and we'll see what it does the next time I have time to be with my friends.

I Made it Through

One thing I really enjoy about growing up is that I can handle more busy days in a row, without having to succumb to a headache halfway through.  I also like the fact that I can get by on less sleep.  I guess that is what having teenagers does for you.  You lose sleep, but you don't have to pick up after them.
Fourth of July week was one of those weeks I thought would never end, I just went from high point to high point, or from one event to another.  With the holiday on one end and a baby shower on the other, I had to keep things tidy and going.  My daughter and family were here from Sunday to Tuesday.  We had two days of picnicking, fireworks, swimming and food.  This was my daughter's baby shower, she's expecting another this summer and we are eagerly waiting his coming. An old friend came early with her mother so I was getting ready with extra company.  Luckily, they were perfect company, helping when I needed help and staying out of the way when I didn't.  We had 'home meetings' both Sunday and Wednesday here, which helped keep the cleanness going.  Thursday was the big day, and my youngest daughter hosted the party beautifully, people stayed to visit.  We tidied up enough to keep the bugs away and went to bed.  My mom did the big washing up in the morning, our company left and we were back in business.

Then it was some shopping business with my mom.  It was nice to have her here for a couple of days, and to do some fun things together.  I actually bought a new skirt and top.  I haven't bought anything new for a VERY long time.  Usually I only see the inside of the Good Will when it is time for new clothes.  (And very nice ones, have I found in there, you just have to look.)

So, then, Mom left Sat. On Friday evening, hubby went to get grandson number one for the weekend. So, we weren't done yet, but I began to wish I was.  I wanted to have some time to sit down and regroup.  And that for sure doesn't happen with a toddler.  But, Sunday rolled around again, I cooked supper for my daughter and family and some extra friends with three teenagers again, everybody was gone by 9, and I WAS DONE.

Then we got a call that detasseling starts in two days, and it was time to start planning again.

Ah, real life, what would we do without it?

Adoption Picnic

This weekend we went on a special picnic.  Our kids are adopted, you see, and this is the first time we’ve had an organized picnic with all of the maternal birth family.  We’ve seen them all from time to time at various events where our paths have crossed over the years.  We’ve never made it a secret that our children were adopted, nor have we kept it a secret who this birth family is. 

Adoption is very dear to my heart.  We have adoptions of various kinds in our family.  My brother is adopted with a closed adoption, as they all were, years ago.  He has now adopted his step-children.  We have two adopted children in an open adoption. (Same birth mother) Ours isn’t a wide open adoption, we've exchanged letters and pictures and a few visits, but not very much.  I was thinking today that they have behaved perfectly as a birth family, just the right amount of contact. We couldn’t have had a better experience.

It isn’t easy giving a baby up for adoption. It has to be on of the hardest thing a young woman can ever do. Those that think teen moms are making life easier for themselves are wrong. I’m sure they think about that baby they’ve given away.  The openness of letters and pictures must help, as they can see how they change as they grow.  I really admire those young women who can give up something so much a part of themselves to someone else, knowing they no longer will have control over that life. I know these things. My daughter had a baby while still in high school. She made the decision to keep her baby.  We encouraged her to look into adoption, remembering what her birthmother had done for us. There were many people who have said to us “how can you even THINK of giving that precious life to someone else”.  I can think of it because, that is how I received two of my children.  I can think of it, because I believe children need a two parent home.  I can think of it, because there are couples out there wanting a baby of their very own.  I love my grandson.  I love to have him in my house.  I love him enough to know he and his mother needed to live with us, because he needed a stable home, even if it wasn’t parents.  I love him enough that if my daughter had decided to give him up for adoption, I would have let him go.

I hope we too, have made the experience a good one for the birth family.  I’ve never felt threatened by the kids' birth family or my kids knowing just who that “other family” is.  All kids at sometime or another are going to express the wish that we aren’t their parents, and that we never had been.  That happens to most parents, adoptive or not.  We’ve had these children since they were a few days old and what we have given them no one else can take away.  

Here is a link about an adoption story.  It also tells her story about searching for her birth parents.  In it is something everyone touched by adoption can enjoy.   http://growup318.com/igrewinhertummy/

Working at Home

My daughter and family were visiting overnight yesterday.  They live close enough to visit fairly often. When they called I was just trying to plan a bigger supper for my son's friends, and then just added them too, since the original supper planned for three wasn't going to work for nine.  I am really thankful I have plenty of hamburger in the freezer and I bought buns earlier in the day.  Nothing like a quick and easy supper of grilled hamburgers to feed a lot of hungry people.  Earlier in my life, I very likely would have left the kitchen in a huge mess because I was tired.  But, I'm learning not to live like that anymore.  It helps when my kids are company, because then I act a little more like they are company too, and clean up the kitchen. I like to wake up to clean dishes and a fairly tidy house.  In fact, I actually felt anxious about not having a chance to get everything cleaned up while they were here!  There is a time to spend all the time cleaning and a time to spend enjoying your family. It's not like I worry so much about getting things cleaned up right away on regular days.  That is the goal, but it doesn't happen EVERY time. I puttered around getting the most important things done, told the anxious feeling to go take a hike, and spent some time following after my grandson and chatting with my daughter and husband. When they left, I relaxed instead of getting right on the cleaning up which is against the rules I'm trying to follow.  The next day, instead of waiting until the very last minute, like I used to do, I did get started in good time to have the kitchen clean and supper waiting when my husband came home.  It was a good one, too, steak.

Getting Started

First let it be known that I am basically a nice person. I make sure my family has clean clothes (sometimes I slip up), good food (according to my husband, my kids don't like much of anything I do right now), and a clean house (not always a tidy one).  I believe in good values, honesty, integrity, virtue, purity, kindness, etc. I like people and I like to do things for them.  But, I'm not a finished product yet.  The sad part of all this is that I'm in my mid 40's and I'm just now getting it together.  I've spent most of my life with an underlying unhappiness that is my own doing.  I'm not grabbing life to the fullest with both hands.  I'm spending too much time worrying about what others think, too much time thinking of why I feel the way I do, and not enough time loving the people around me and doing things for them.  

I wrote in my journal a year ago hoping to see more progress this year, and there is progress just not as much as I hoped, but going in the right direction. 

I started a new journal in May of 2010 to write down my thoughts so I could really see what I am, what's bothering me, and what I can do to make me a happier person.  A happier person is a nicer person to everyone. This must be about 6 months after I found flylady.

Fly lady has had a profound influence on my life.  I don't follow her plan exactly, because I resist having a written routine to do the same things every day. Rebellion just seems to rise up inside me when I see it, so I've  incorporated some of her ideas, very slowly so I'm doing nice housekeeping things by habit, not with a list breathing down my neck.  I read her emails, and they really do help, so that when I'm wandering around the house getting things done, I hear "do it now", "make it easier on yourself", "a little in better than nothing", "set your timer for 15, 7, 5, or even 2 minutes, and focus on doing something".  Oh, flylady isn't for everyone, but it helps me see that just doing housework in a timely manner not only blesses my family, it blesses me. So, then I do those things mentioned in the first paragraph, and I'm learning to like to do them.  

Here's that first journal entry:

"I usually journal so that it wouldn't matter who reads my stuff, but this time I hope this journal will show my own journey to happiness.  I'm not really unhappy, but I'm not as happy as I could be because I don't treat my husband as nicely as I should   The other thing is I eat too much.  I eat when I'm bored, depressed, unhappy, sick or anxious. I'm hoping by writing these things down, I can change or fix them. I need to live my life with (new grandson at home 24/7) in it, not fighting the fact that he's there and I can't get anything done.  I need to work with my problems not fight them. 

I haven't made as much progress as I wish I had since then, and I'm ready for more. My grandson is out of the house now, living with his mother and her husband.  I sit less, and do more.  Sometimes I even do my work before I play.  Most of the time I start early on supper for my family.  I tidy up most days early in the morning, if I didn't do it before bed.  I check my calendar for today's plans.   I write them on a dry erase board so everyone knows. I do laundry as needed and don't let it pile up, (Now the folding and putting away is put off sometimes).  I try to have my dishes done and my sink cleaned out before I go to bed.  I wipe up my bathroom every other day.  I don't step over things, I put them away.  I exercise or work in the flower garden.  And I like it. I have more energy, and I'm happier. Oh, this isn't to say these things happen perfectly every day.  Some days I'm just too tired to care about anything, or too lazy, or too something.  But, it's getting to be 5 days out of seven, and I feel better/happier when I've accomplished something that benefits my family.  

It ISN'T all about me. It's about what I can do for my family first, then I'll see what I can do for some others outside of it.