It's Hard to Grow Up

It is amazing the way a mind works. I know that when it comes to being a teenager that anything they feel is about 10 times what you feel as an adult, partly because they don't have the experience to put life's triumphs and disappointments in perspective, but also because their brains aren't fully developed.  The part that deals with being reasonable hasn't kicked in yet.  I know when I was a kid I was afraid of about everything.  I worried about things that were unlikely to happen as well.  It did, however, keep me out of a lot of trouble. The one thing I remember very clearly was that I didn't want to do anything or be anywhere that would make me lose control of myself or my circumstances.  I had a lot of respect that was tempered with fear of my parents.  Oh, there were things that I would change about my growing up, and there where things that I didn't do because my parents did.  One thing I wish for now in raising my own kids, is that I would have made them a little more afraid of me.  It helps them keep on the straight and narrow.
Anyway, we are living with a situation that I never thought  I would have to.  This situation of having a child leave home in less than ideal circumstances, and with the thought that my child is out there telling people that we are bad people, is rather hard to take.  And he isn't being very nice to us either.
I know I let the kids manipulate me more than they should have.   I guess I wasn't smart enough or confident enough to know what was going on, and after the fact, it is hard to go back and fix it.  I'm not sure if he is going to battle with a plan or if it is just a product of a mind that is trying very hard to get what he wants by working on other people and us.  He is telling other people untruths about how he left home and they are believing him.  I don't have much respect for the people he is with.  I wonder about people who are willing to take in a teenager on the strength of his word alone.  I think that he as well as his champions are just trying to intimidate us.  If they really thought something should be done, wouldn't they call social services?
Anyway, I am being very careful what I say to anyone, what I text to him or anyone wanting to know about him.  I have written down what happened on that fateful night.
I just wonder where his mind is.  Does he really believe what he says about us, what the facts are, what really happened?  I know that when one looks back on events, children especially get a twisted view that is all tangles up in their feelings. I can't really explain what I am thinking.  He is a very proud, stubborn kid.  If he is waiting for us to beg him to come home, it isn't going to happen.  I've told him several times that he can come home. I am limiting contact, because I'm not going to let him be rude to me. I feel very sorry for him.  All he can see is the version of events as he sees it.  I suppose it is something like he has to do that in his own mind, so he doesn't have to admit that he is wrong.  It is too bad that life is going to have to teach him what we can't.
 For awhile now, he hasn't been wanting any guidance from us, or any house rules.  You know the ones, "I want to know where you are, who you are with, and where you are going, and what you are going to do while you are there.  And come home at curfew and go to school."  I didn't realize I was such an evil person. No wonder he left.

The Decline of Civilization

I don't like the way civilization is heading in this country.  I'm hoping it isn't going downhill as fast as it seems to be when I look at the teenagers of today.  Maybe I need to look at other people.  I know that teenagers don't think of anything but themselves, but they don't seem to have any respect or fear of anything or anybody,  especially the laws of the land. (or their own bodies or anyone else's)  I know there are good kids out there and thank goodness for them.  They aren't perfect either, and are still subject to the "teenage angst" to a certain degree, but these are the ones that are thinking beyond today, don't think their parents are the enemy (an annoyance at time, yes), and keep themselves busy so they don't run into much temptation to to bad things.
There is another element out there that I have the misfortune to watch.  I don't even know the whole of how these teenagers act, because I don't want to dig in it too deeply.  What bothers me the most is the "if you do this to me, I'm going to do it right back and worse to you" attitude.  Civilization cannot continue without swallowing some of the insults that come your way.   I don't mean you should never stand up for yourself.  This is really hard to explain, but there seems to be such an undercurrent of taking things into your own hands that I don't like to see in my small community.  This must be how gangs start up.  There might be some in our community and I would hate to think my kids would be involved with people like that.  I'm not quite sure what has gone wrong here that they are drawn to and want to be around the kind of people that are like this.  Oh, there is a sort of loyalty there, but it is more of a banding together of groups against groups, and that is a recipe for trouble.  I know some of them are into drugs and alcohol.  I know most of them have no parents that even try to control them.  We have worked and talked to our kids, telling them that there is a better way to behave, to be a better person, but it falls on deaf ears.  They WANT to act this way.  I would like to place blame on the parents, but you can't do that in all cases.  Yes, parental neglect doesn't help the situation.  There are parents out there, who don't try at all to raise their kids, they just let them bring themselves up, so there is no guidance, no character building, no "it is better to do the right thing".  There are also the kids who have decent parents behind them who care, who have given them good examples, who have given them a good life, and they still want to hang around the negative element in society.  Some of these kids, and I hope mine are among them, won't get in to deeply to get out and be productive members of society.  They aren't doing themselves any favors by getting involved in these barely law-abiding crowds.  Sometimes kids get in too deep and can't get back out again.
There ARE good people out there, there are good teenagers out there, there are still people who know that having a good moral character is important.
From where I am standing today, if there are more teens who feel and act like this now, and grow up to have more children who turn out the same way, it is eventually going to be a very unpleasant society to live in.  It won't be civilization anymore.
In order for civilization to continue, we have to have standards and live up to them.  Sometimes it IS uncomfortable, but in the long run, it is better for everybody.

I have a hodge-podge of stuff going through my head this morning.  I'm doing pretty well at my "keeping off the computer and keeping up in the house" mode.  Since I've decided I need to lose a little weight, I've been writing down what I eat.  I still am eating more than I should.  I seem to have no self control most of the time. My mother is on a restrictive diet for a health condition and in order to best control it she is writing down everything she eats and drinks to manage better with fewer attacks.  This morning after annoying everyone after a snoring session last evening by sleeping in my chair, I feel SOMETHING has to be done.  I know I am snoring because I've gained weight.  If she can do it,  if other people can do it, surely I can.  But, can I do it for the rest of my life?  If I knew I would die in two weeks if I didn't, I could do it.  Otherwise....I just seem to go on living like I am going to be living forever and who cares what I eat and whether I exercise or not.  What is it going to take for me to lose weight and to keep it off?  Regular exercise and watching every bite that goes in my mouth?  I don't like to, I don't want to.  But, I'm going to give it a try.  For two weeks, I've kept on my housekeeping schedule, and I'm beginning to feel unhappy if I don't.  I rebel at times, but I'm keeping the most important things done.  There are two reasons I'm doing this.  One, it makes life easier for me, no rushing, no wondering, and two, I'm happier, which makes my family happier.

I'm hoping to have guilt free time to get some photos organized and used, and other computer projects.  So, my staying off the computer is no games and no internet time wasting stuff. I have to time myself though, because too much mouse work hurts my wrist and arm. I'm also cutting back on the knitting, partly because I don't get more important things done first, and partly because it is hurting my arm if I do too much.

I am happier these two weeks, even though we've had a "teenage incident" that caused us much time and stress.   I don't want to be lazy anymore.  I want to live the rest of my life and know that I am living it, not just marking the days or letting them go by in a hurry without me knowing it.

Some of this is Flylady.  That is where I started. It works for me, so I'm going to keep at it.

This has been a good week.  Not a great week in the housekeeping department, but a satisfactory one.  I had my clothes ready for the morning 6 days out of the seven.   I had my dishes done before bed all seven days.  I had my meals planned for all seven days, not all ahead, but before noon I knew what we were going to eat for supper that night.  I did laundry early and folded and put it away before bedtime.  I cleaned the front areas of the house and kept them looking basically tidy.  I am happy with what I accomplished, because if I can do this, it is the main key that keeps me happy.  If I do my job, I am happy.  The main thing I have to contend with is the days where my attitude, says, "why me?" Why do I have to follow my simple routines?  Why can't I just sit here and knit until my arm falls off and the house goes to pieces all around me, and no one has anything to eat?  The main reason is that I am really not happy doing it that way.  I might think so, but it isn't true. I do work outside the home a little bit, but the job I wanted and asked for was to manage my home.  There is no reason I can't do it and do it well.  I have the time.  It takes as much effort and skill to manage a home with young people in it, that it does to work anywhere else.  You just don't get paid money for it. You have to find compensation in other ways.  Mostly it has to be inside, and when you children are gone, hopefully they will remember.

So, we will see how next week goes.  I did some things I enjoy this week, too.  But, I am happy with the way this week went.  Next week, I have company again, and I usually get derailed in about anything when that happens, I haven't got the work/play/attitude ratio figured out for this one yet.

I'll keep you posted.

The Days of Our Lives

It is raining today.  I'm trying not to feel blah just because it is raining.  I AM feeling absolutely overwhelmed however. Here it is almost the middle of October and I don't see any signs of the days slowing down.  I'm feeling like I can't enjoy any piece of my life, it is going too fast.  I've been trying to evaluate my life lately and I don't think I'm as happy as I could be. Sometimes it seems like I'm just filling up my time and not getting anything done because I just want this day to be over, or this week, or for it to be Monday again so I can start again.  I don't really enjoy when family comes because I am trying to keep things together.  This time I planned menus ahead, made them simple, delegated chores.  But still things pile up here and there because little things don't get put away.  I tried hard to ignore it and say it doesn't matter. I guess I am thinking ahead to all the things that need done next week, birthday party, office work, courthouse, laundry, mealtime, picking up after myself and sometimes the other people around here, too.

That doesn't sound too bad, really.  But, somehow that stuff always adds itself up and spreads itself out to fill more time than I have.  Last week was a hard week.  My daughter had four days of make up work to do and she was working on homework every night from 4 to midnight.  And she likes to have someone around for "moral support".  She's also working on not having a meltdown when she's stressed or yelling and slamming around either.  She did really well.  Only one "outlet" sort of crying jag, that did a lot of good.  I don't know why crying like that should help, but the books all say it does.  I don't seem to be able to cry like that.  I just yell or get anxious.  Anytime I cry, it is over a book, and then I get a stuffy nose and a headache.

So, for next week, the plan is less facebook, less knitting, and more focusing on the task on hand.  I have a hard time with some of this because I get physically and mentally tired out.  I'm getting better though, ever since I did a couple of months with an exercise video, I've had a lot more energy even though I didn't continue.  Exercise is exercise, even if it is just carrying things around the house.

So, I guess this weather IS making me a little blue, but I am going to make a change this week, starting today, when my company leaves, I'm going to sit down and plan a little for tomorrow, get things ready and in order, and I AM NOT GOING TO READ A BOOK UNTIL I AM TOO TIRED TO DO ANYTHING ELSE.
Now, did you hear that Miss LeaAnne?  Stay tuned, and see what happens this week.

Take the Swearing Out of It

I have a very nice bunch of friends that I keep up with on facebook, and a few teenagers, too.  What is annoying me today is the amount of swearing that appears on other people's status's.  Some is borrowed when they publish sites that are of interest and some, mostly in the case of the teens, just blatant anger and laziness.  I know that the English language is one of the hardest to learn, but when you've grown up with it, it shouldn't be too difficult to find other words to replace the swear words.I suppose it is mostly the young people who think they are being clever for using words their parents (most parents) don't like.  The same words that THEIR parent's thought they were being clever for using when they were teens. I know that teens like to be rebellious, but in this day of employers and colleges scoping out facebook pages, it is never a good idea to have incriminating information on those pages.

It is ridiculous, aren't there ANY standards out there anymore!  Since when it is fun and interesting to pepper one's speech with the words your grandmother would wash out of your mouth with soap.  I say grandmother's, because my generation is becoming the grandmother's now, and I see the standards of my generation slipping away, down the toilet. However, bad language becomes a habit, and habits become character.  I had a name for people like this when I was younger, I called it "second class". First class people don't use foul language, they don't run down their neighbors, they do build up their friends.  They just DON'T TALK TRASH, about anybody or anything.  I don't call it anything any more, because I am out of the judging people stage. I do, however, try to stay away from people that spend a lot of time swearing, and doing other things that I don't care to be around for the sake of my own mental health.  It isn't clever, it is ugly and it sure doesn't enhance the impression anyone is trying to make, on facebook or off of it.

I think I need to do a little more editing of my friends list.

Listening is Better Than Talking

It's finally starting to cool down here in the midwest, actually I think according to the media, I'm in the Plains States.   It is funny to me to think that Minnesota to Missouri, and Iowa to Ohio are called mid-WEST states, when they aren't west at all. Then I googled "Great Plains States" and they are the Dakotas, on south and west to the Rockies.   I don't have a quarrel with the term "plains states", because they have a great many flat places.  But to call someting "mid-west" that is east of the middle just doesn't seem right.  It just bugs me.  Okay, okay, I'll get down off my soap box now and behave myself.  I think too many things bug me, or else I just like to sound off to other people and air my knowledge, or just show off.  That made me think of this quote from flylady I found a while back.


When you understand that the need to tell someone about yourself is no more than a need for attention, you can start right away to give yourself attention in the form of compassion, understanding, wisdom, guidance and love and the next time you are in a two-way conversation, you'll really listen. 


Do I need to tell people everything I know on a subject when it is brought up? No
Do I need to add something to every conversation?  No
Do I need to play "one upmanship" at any time in a conversation?  No
Do I need to pay attention to the person who is talking and notice what sort of conversation it is before I say anything?  Yes


I'm afraid I often say things to get attention, to prove to people that I know things, and that I am there next to them.    I also know that people really like to be listened to, and that would be a better place to fill than calling attention to myself.  


(Oops, this is nearly a repeat of an earlier post, oh well, this blog is for my own learning and benefit, and it I need it twice...so be it.)